Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
