My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
one might say we're banned from that church
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
