You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
