Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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