I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
