I just threw up on my dentist
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
