You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
