I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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