it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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