Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
