I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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