Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
