Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
