can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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