I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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