i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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