From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
