There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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