You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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