it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come share oat with me in your robe
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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