I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
