Apparently you make a good broom.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
