first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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