last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
