It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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