Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
