I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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