So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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