remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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