Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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