she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
