Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
