his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
