The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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