oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
