I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
