I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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