I have demons in me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
