you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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