The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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