Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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