Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
