i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
