its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
