I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
whose ass print is on the piano?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
