if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
