It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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