College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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