one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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