not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
